You asked for the most important but everyone is hedging with several… after some reflection I will say courage. Courage in a partner plays into our relationship in a multitude of ways; primarily, the initial courage to approach me in public, the courage to be charming in the face of being insecure or threatened, courage to overcome my own shyness, courage to break down my walls, courage to suggest we take things to the next step. Courage is a rarity among men (my preferred partners) and especially in the geeky sphere of things it’s almost non-existent. Courage is sexy as all fucking hell.

Probably being towards the compersion end of the compersion vs. jealousy spectrum. It gets tiring very quickly if a partner gets jealous every time I interact with someone who might conceivably be attractive to me.

For that matter a certain minimum amount of self-esteem is good to avoid having to examine every word and action twice with them in general.

At first, a good sense of humor, and willingness to have a conversation. Later on, a sense of self-worth, curiosity, a willingness to challenge me and to be challenged. Basically, the longer we date, the higher the bar gets. I hope the same applies for me.

I’ve been married over 10 years though, so we’re pretty far on that path! Still pushing each other, though. And we still make each other laugh.

Sexual partner? Obviously that they are kinky, but not raw animal crazy. It’s annoying when someone just wants to hump you raw in the most vanilla way, every time.

Caring about aftercare, being snuggly, not just a sex-crazed animal. We can all get off with our hands, having sex with others is about more than that.

Being chatty and having humor is also a big bonus, and not just being a crazed fuck bot.

Intelligence, curiosity, a taste for adventure, sense of humour, a healthy sexual appetite (obviously), kindness

The main thing is sex drive. None of my 10 or so partners of various genders have had a higher sex drive than my own, making my relationships all kinds of frustrating.

I’d always say confidence without being arrogant and creativity. Without creativity it can get a bit boring x

Self awareness. I would take a self aware partner any day and twice on sunday.