(Male if it matters)
I don’t know if I’m reaching a new level of sexual maturity or what. Lately instead of looking at hardcore porn and furiously jerking off until I cum, I’m looking at no pics or lewd pics on Lemmy, and taking my time to feel as much of the sensations as I can. I’m finding that I don’t need to reach an orgasm to still feel pleasure and like I enjoyed myself. I’m not talking about edging - I don’t get that close. Just enjoying the good vibes.
Anyone else? Do you set expectations when you sit down to masturbate? Do you expect to achieve orgasm and get frustrated when you don’t?
I’m really into edging which I know isn’t exactly what you’re talking about, but I definitely understand and enjoy the experience.
I think there’s a wide range of things that people view as different sexual experiences that are actually a lot more related than we’d like to admit. I mean edging/gooning, chastity, abstaining from masturbation (nofap?), or more light teasing or relaxed enjoyment like you’re talking about. There’s probably more similarities in what people want to get out of these experiences than there are differences.
There can be a big difference in motivation and fantasy behind it. For example, some people want/need/enjoy femdom, or at least a fantasy of being controlled. Some people look at the orgasm in more of a “negative” light, like “I need my orgasm denied”, and really get into feeling the desperate feelings. Others, maybe more like yourself, put more emphasis in a “positive” light on the physical/psychological things that they feel, and enjoying a more gradual buildup.
(not putting judgement with positive/negative terminology, just trying to categorize things)
Also even people who say they’re really into “edging” don’t spend all their time at the edge, they may edge several/multiple times, but it’s too intense to hold for a long period of time and most of the session will be sort of low-key buildup.
Ultimately though, your body doesn’t really care what reasons you’re holding back. Physically and psychologically you’ll feel more easily aroused, and interested in sex. Personally that’s what I’m going for – I love feeling almost like a horny teenager, aroused at even the slightest glimpse or thought. And I love how sensitive I become down there. But what I’m trying to say is: there isn’t really a right or wrong answer here. You’re absolutely free to enjoy or masturbate however you like, and however makes you the most happy. And there’s no rule that says that you must orgasm or not.
I like your perspective, and I see how all of these things could be connected. For example, when doing prostate/dildo play, I will usually wear a chastity device before I begin. I find it forces my perception to focus more on what’s going on in the back and inside rather than just grabbing my cock and going at it. It’s kind of another form of this theme that you’re mentioning.
Definitely, for me, moving away from all the hardcore porn has been a good thing. I think it was all actually too stimulating and over the years I didn’t really realize the effect of it. And now I’m kind of changing because I left that other social media website a few weeks ago :-)