I actually have some USB-A to USB-C cables from DeWalt with reversible USB-A connectors. Certainly no reason other companies couldn’t have built them that way.
I loved that scene with Garibaldi.
Check out Firewalla Gold. I think it would meet all of your requirements.
The Firewalla is pricey but amazing. I am running the Gold at home, and it runs Linux and supports Dockers so I’m running PiHole on the router.
ZDNet has an article recommending 5 VPN routers from $79 to $250. I am not familiar with all of them, but it should get you started. I like the Firewalla product because of the other security features it provides, like blocking incoming traffic flows or device-specific service rules, and PiHole is amazing.
It’s outside your budget, but you should look at Firewalla. I think their least expensive model is the Blue Plus, but it provides security capabilities like firewall and VPN as well as routing and DHCP. The Gold even supports Docker containers - I’m running PiHole in a Docker on my Gold. I’m not using VPN client capabilities, but I know they’re there.
And how is this different than LK-99, which was pretty conclusively proven to not be superconductive?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LK-99