Drunk sex is either sexual abuse or totally fine depending on the situation.
If you want drunk sex with your partner in a way and at a moment that isn’t unusual and there is no reason for them to be currently not in the mood, it is probably fine. if you talked with them about going out drinking and fucking around later, and after drinking, they express that they still want, it is probably fine. Basically if sex is part of your relationship and you have good reason to assume that your partner would want to sleep with you in a sober state and your partner expresses the same desire while drunk, it is probably fine. But you should really talk about that boundary beforehand. Ask them if you can take a drunk yes as a yes, while they are sober!!!
Random hook-up? I would argue, even if your partner was happy afterwards and would want to see you again, you did something really bad. as social norms are, I don’t think you have to be a bad person but you did something stupid and did something really bad and you should stop now. There is no reasonable way to evaluate whether or not the consent was the result of a altered state of mind. You want to have a sex with a person who can’t really consent and you don’t have a prior agreement, you have no reason to assume the drunk person will not wake up and feel raped. You might don’t think it is rape as they said yes, when they are drunk, but for them, they got raped. That is their experience. That is their reality. Sex might be fun but I really don’t want to be the worst day in some else’s life. They deserve better. I deserve better. If you know the risk that your partner might experience it as rape, and you don’t care, you are effectively a rapist. If that person wants to fuck you and can consent, they will contact you when they are sober, when you give them your number and tell them that you would love to but you wanted to make sure that they actually consent.
With prior agreement and if a reasonable assumption can be made that the agreement is still valid, I think in the current social norm it is fine. Just to be clear, if you got the agreement a month ago and you guys haven’t done anything at all, I would argue that you should stay away as people don’t always keep you posted on how they feel about you. If you have received general consent to have drunk sex and you fucked last night, went out partying together and get home together, and then you have the same kind of sex as the night before, it is fair to assume that their yes would have been a yes if they were sober. When in doubt, don’t
Drunk sex is either sexual abuse or totally fine depending on the situation.
If you want drunk sex with your partner in a way and at a moment that isn’t unusual and there is no reason for them to be currently not in the mood, it is probably fine. if you talked with them about going out drinking and fucking around later, and after drinking, they express that they still want, it is probably fine. Basically if sex is part of your relationship and you have good reason to assume that your partner would want to sleep with you in a sober state and your partner expresses the same desire while drunk, it is probably fine. But you should really talk about that boundary beforehand. Ask them if you can take a drunk yes as a yes, while they are sober!!!
Random hook-up? I would argue, even if your partner was happy afterwards and would want to see you again, you did something really bad. as social norms are, I don’t think you have to be a bad person but you did something stupid and did something really bad and you should stop now. There is no reasonable way to evaluate whether or not the consent was the result of a altered state of mind. You want to have a sex with a person who can’t really consent and you don’t have a prior agreement, you have no reason to assume the drunk person will not wake up and feel raped. You might don’t think it is rape as they said yes, when they are drunk, but for them, they got raped. That is their experience. That is their reality. Sex might be fun but I really don’t want to be the worst day in some else’s life. They deserve better. I deserve better. If you know the risk that your partner might experience it as rape, and you don’t care, you are effectively a rapist. If that person wants to fuck you and can consent, they will contact you when they are sober, when you give them your number and tell them that you would love to but you wanted to make sure that they actually consent.
With prior agreement and if a reasonable assumption can be made that the agreement is still valid, I think in the current social norm it is fine. Just to be clear, if you got the agreement a month ago and you guys haven’t done anything at all, I would argue that you should stay away as people don’t always keep you posted on how they feel about you. If you have received general consent to have drunk sex and you fucked last night, went out partying together and get home together, and then you have the same kind of sex as the night before, it is fair to assume that their yes would have been a yes if they were sober. When in doubt, don’t